I grew up in a non divorce family. I don't know how it feels growing up being in one. Even though I saw some of my family members go through divorces. When I started a family with my ex seperation was never a thought as it is for many couples. We was young and learning as we went along. We eventually grew apart and alot of things had happened throughout the years when we was together. When the finale blow came the only thought that hurt me the most was what about my baby. I did go through a hard breakup. I guess after spending so many years of your life with someone its life changing. We had built a home. Everything I knew, my daily routine was about to change. I wanted to stay together for the wrong reasons. I was even willing to live with this person and have a non relationship just to live in the home I had help create and most of all so my son would have both his parents in the home. I was so stupied. Of coarse that didnt happen but the thought of change had scared me to death. I eventually lefted everything I knew. My son was only about 5 and it rocked his world too. I moved into my first apartment. I had never lived by myself ever. The first 3 months was the hardest but my friends and family got me through it. I finally accepted my new life. I felt free for the first time. Which by the way we was never married. But it still feels like a divorce. I never wanted that for my son but I know now that sometimes it is the best for your children and yourself. I've heard some of my girlfreinds say,"I'm going to leave him when my kid gets a little older". I don't think it matters what age they are. Its going to hurt the same way at any age. They are going to go through emotions in there own way and handle it it there own way. For my son now he still has questions and I respond the best way I know how. The older he gets the easier it is to accept. I mean don't get me wrong there had been times that he had said I wished you and daddy were back together. And it hurts. I know that oneday he will understand. It just takes time.
I did feel free living by myself. I thought the dating world would be so much fun. It is totally different from when I was a teen to when I was in my late 20's. I figured out I don't like dating. I had the desire to be with someone. Some nights I hated sleeping in a house all by myself. The only goal was to find someone who loved my child and accepted him. Which it is hard to find. To acually know in your heart that the person has a heart of gold. I did talk to some guys and go out on dates. But there was no way I would bring them around my son unless I knew the person might be the one. I knew I didn't want to stay single. I wanted to find a real man..lol
I have joint custody of my son. For the most part it works out ok. There has been some challenges. My ex and I are not best friends like some ex couples can be. But I will say that we both love our son and we have a relationship when it comes to him. I'm hoping that throughout the years it will become much better. We have both moved on. My son has two families now.
It did not take that long to find my special someone. I remember the first time that he had met my son. I think my son was more excited than I was. He would visit us after he got off work. When he would leave, Devin and I would sit out on the front porch and wave goodbye. Devin started to wish he didn't have to leave. I wanted to have things done right so I didn't let him stay the night. I wanted everyone to get to know eachother and make sure this was a SURE thing. It really didn't take that long for me to know it was a sure thing. I threw Devin a birthday party at lake winnie. John had to work. And all Devin would say was,"I wish John was here". John made both of us happy and feel special. Not only was John having to commit to me but it was Devin too. And my son had to accept him also. Which he did. John helped us out alot to get over the whole split. He had wrote me a letter that said," even though Devin is not my son I love him just like he is mine".
When we finally decided to move in together we had to go through change again, but this time for the better. Relationships of any kind takes work. Devin and I had to learn how to accept being with someone new. And John had to learn how to be a stepparent. Its not always easy but we all love eachother. We are still learning to this day on what it takes to make everything work. Ive learned that you have to want the realtionships you have with people and it takes effort to keep them on your part.. I can't sit here today and say that a breakup won't ever happen again. Because we don't see into the future. But I can say that I am in love and that I will always work on our relationship. I don't want to lose what we have. I just hope and pray that in 30 years we will be together and our love is still just as strong. I have learned alot on what it takes to keep a realtionship together. But we are still young and learning day by day....
