MommyWood : It's Not All Glitz And Glam -The Beginning

    It so hard to tell myself that I will be turning 29 this year.I have grown so much and yet I have, hopefully, many more years to go. I have two boys, one will be 8 in June and the other will be 2 in October. Expecting a girl in July. When I was younger I never thought I would have three kids. Maybe one I told  myself back then and it would be a boy. But I never really pictured myself with any kids. Could have been due to that my two older sister's and brother already started having kids. So I seen what they went through in parenthood. I helped babysit alot which did get me prepared for my own. Which back then times were different. I still played with barbies when I was 11 and didn't think anything about a boyfriend till I was 15. I watch alot of parenting shows on tv. And recently started watching 16 and pregnant. It so wierd to me that these kids today think so differently than I did back then. They are kids having kids. I can honestly say that I thought back then I knew everything. And I acually knew nothing. I'm still learning today what it takes to be a parent. 
      In highschool I knew of maybe 5 girls who were pregnant. Which my bestfriend at the time did get married at 16 but didn't have her first child till she was 18. I saw her and my sister give birth. And I thought at that time "gross". I also was around my best friend throughout her morning sickness and I didn't want to go through that. Even though I tried to help, she had it rough. After she had her baby I still hung out at her house alot. I seen her go through depression. How hard it was for her with a  new born baby. I had a full time job and going to school. We eventually parted ways for a while. But as of today we still keep in touch. When I was in 12th grade most of my good friends had quit school. They had relationships and started having kids. I thought back then that I was really doing good. I worked full time all throughout school. I paid for everything except living expences due to I still lived at home. I graduated. And at 18 with no worries, and with a mind set of," lets party". Which I did. Boys was on my mind. I never dated anyone in school. I dated older men.When I say older I men, I mean under 30. I had dated three guys at one time. Go Me.Not really. I was looking for a real realtionship. And then I met someone when I was 19. We became a couple. Then I moved in with him. Looking back, big mistake. But It was not to long after that I found out I was pregnant.Oh Hell. I was in love but it happened so quickly I never took the time to really think about what was to come. I thought I can handle this. Everyone was happy and all. I was really clueless.
        We were making the best out of it. We was poor. We tried not to ask for any help. Always made due with what we had even if we lived in a house I refer to now as "The shack". Didn't have food sometimes. I called my oldest sister and asked if she had the money to go buy us some groceries. I was embarressed just by the fact that it was a sign of struggle to live out on our own. But I was so thankful and I know now sometimes you have to ask for help.  And its ok.I could watch 3,9,12 on tv.Went a couple years just watching soaps, news and my favorite Dr.Phil. I felt for the first time to go through a period of time in my life being poor. Alot of my friends didn't like my boyfriend for many reasons so I did feel alone. But when your in love, you will endure anything. I started to get excited after my first doctor's visit. We are going to be first time parents. A family. We eventually moved out of "The Shack" and started living in his brothers house taking over payments due to his recent divorce. It felt good to say Im buing a house. There is nothing like the feeling I can make this place the way I want. I did have a nursery. I put up anything anyone would give me. So between seseme street and winnie the pooh. It had a little bit of everything. I had quit my job at Hardee's due to being sick all the time. And it was very lonely living out in the boon docks. All our money went on bills.  So I never got to experiance going out and buying whatever I wanted for my first born.
          I started to experiance depression for the first time. At noones fault it just would creep up. I would put on a happy face in front of everyone and inside wasn't spitting of happiness. That was something that I did't talk to anyone about back then. I guess to embarressed, but now I have learned not to be like that. Sometimes you can't help how to feel. Eventually I took myself to the emergency room due to a panic attack and they prescribed me medication. I never had a panic attack before or seen anyone have one. I thought I was going crazy. It didn't go away untill after the pregnancy. But after 9 long months it was finally time to have this baby boy. I still really didn't know what to expect. Being so young I realize I should have asked more questions and open up more to people. But we all have to learn from our mistakes. After having him I didn't have post partum depression. I felt like myself again in a sense. And was alot happier.
      When went into the hospital at 6 a.m. I was scared. I did have the mind set,"ok, I can do this", "girls has been doing this forever ago". Checked into my room. Got that annoying gown on. Sitting in the bed getting hooked up to iv's and monitor's. Which wasn't so bad the first couple of hours. They started the drip of pitocin to start my labor. If I could go back in time I would have just said Im sitting at home until my water breaks. The reason being is I sat in that bed until 6 to 1 and my body still hadn't dilated past 1. My body wasn't really responding to the medicine. They came in to check me and "whoops" my water breaks about 1p.m. I swear as soon as it breaks, I started having major back labor pains. I could feel every contraction. I was holding off on the epidural due to I haven't dialated past 1. I held on the the bed rails for dear life. The pain for me was horrible. I indured it for 5 hours. Still no change in my cervix. I finally couldn't take it anymore. I asked for it. But due to my surprise they said it would be best to do a c-section. Since once the water breaks a baby can only be in the sac for so long. After all the pain I said ok. I was so nervous. More so than having it naturally. I had never had any kind of surgery. But I was so tired. Lets just get it over with.That was at 5 p.m. in the afternoon. So tired. And I really wanted to eat.lol
       Going back to the surgery room is a piece of cake now.lol. Not really. I still get butterflies. But After I went back and was prepped. Which I have to say. I don't mind needles but the one they put in your back is not fun. What got me through it was knowing this baby was about to be born. I would never be the same. Even your mind set is changed. It was actually quick. Next thing I knew the baby was out and you could Ihear him cry. Best feeling in the world. I knew he was ok. My body had produced a baby. Devin Micheal Ray Surrett was born at 6:15 p.m. on June 23, 2004. They had to take him to the nursery for all the normal routine stuff. After I was released from recovery i was wheeled to my room. We stopped at the nursery so I could see him in there. I tried to sit up and instead of looking at him. I got sick and couldn't stop vomiting. I was so tired. As soon as I got to my room they gave me something to help me sleep. So as soon as the baby came to the room I woke up once to see him. Then I was out cold. The nursery is a blessing. I got plenty of rest and was able to leave the hospital in 3 days. Having a c-section sucks. For me it is very painful and you are slow at doing everything. I wish I could have experianced the vaginal birth in a way. Most woman say the feel 100% better right after the delivery. My little man was a very good baby. He hardly ever cried even up to 6 months. Being a first time mother became so natural. Mainly because I had been around babies most of my life. It was a relief just to go home. My attitude had changed from being scared about what was to come to I  now know what to do.
         Being a stay at home mother is hard work. But being 20 years old when I had my first I had so much more energy. I didn't care getting up all throughout the night. Now Im like a walking zombie. Devin was a good sleeper though. I had him in a bassinet by the bed so it was much easier. The first 6 months to me was really easy. Thank goodness that he never got sick until he was over a year old. I didn't breastfeed and the reason is everyone I knew didn't. I didn't have the knowledge about it. After Devin was 3 months old I went back to work. 40 hours a week in a mill. It was hard work. I really missed out on alot not being with him 24-7. But I did have a pride in working to make a better life for my family. Looking back working and staying at home has both pros and cons. Before I knew it my little boy was starting pre-k at 4. Now working had its downfalls. There was times I couldn't get off work or take the time off to take him to the doctor. I had to rely on others. I wish every workplace would change company policies to make it better for the working parents. Its bad enough we have to pay high insurance for healthcare.
           At every age of your childs life has its own challenges. When Devin was like 3 I about had a heart attack. I was walking him to his room. We was holding hands. He was also mad at me for not letting him do something. So he started to pitch a fit. He threw himself backwards landing on his butt real hard while I tried to hold on to him while holding hands. He started to really cry. Then holding his arm. I thought his arm was broke or something. We rushed him to the e.r. and the whole way up there he cried. Got back to the room and the doctor came in. We told him what had happened and said ok. He started to explain while holding Devin's arm that he had strained a legament in the forearm part where it bends. He had his arm laid out straight and pulled his hand toward him. He pulled on it good. The strain part went back to it place. Devin sat up and stopped cring and said,"all better". I couldn't believe it. The doctor had explained that he has seen numerous of children come in the e.r. with the same problem. What a relief. First he was ok and second that it happens. I now know what to do. Thankfully thats the only emergency situation ive been in with my kids.
         Im going to sum this part of mommywood up by saying in the beginning we all think we know every little thing about being the perfect parent. We are not perfect but we can strive to be. No matter if we have one kid or five it is a everyday challenge. Its not about us anymore its about the children. They rule the house. Or atleast they think they do...lol